Children's Approach to Alzheimer's

"I make Grandma happy," my granddaughter remarked (7-years old at the time), when someone asked why she visited when her great grandmother (my mother) didn't know her and couldn't talk well.

Kara's response made me realize I hadn't made a mistake to take Kara and her young brother on my visits to see Mother in the nursing home.  They were learning about growing older, forgetfulness, illness and being family.  Caring for one another would become part of their lives.

The youngsters enjoyed their visits.  We had various rituals that Mother enjoyed.  We shared meals or afternoon tea with her.  Kara and Alex joined in activities with the other residents.  (Mother's Alzheimer's was too advanced for her to do this now.)  They drew pictures for her and made cards.  We sang songs.

If you treat the visits as an ordinary part of life, youngsters generally won't be afraid to visit relatives in nursing and assisted living homes.  They'll show fear and reluctance mainly if the adults do. 

These may be Kara and Alex's only memories of my mother, but they'll have fond memories rather than scary or distasteful ones, just as I do.

(Image: sxc.hu)

Finding the Joy in Alzheimer's
Finding the Joy in Alzheimer's (Book II)
(I have essays in both of these books.)

Discover Glass Full of Tears

One of the very interesting and informative books for caregivers, written from a wife's viewpoint, is Glass Full of Tears, Dementia Day-By-Day by June Lund Shiplett.  Here June relates the frustrations and joys of caring for her husband as he developed dementia.

Whether your family member has Alzheimer's or some other form of dementia, June's account may help you get through each day.  You'll realize you aren't alone.

I met June when we taught at a writers' workshop and then attended a book signing for our books.  Coincidentally, I was caring for my mom, who had Alzheimer's, at the time June was promoting her book and speaking to groups.

Sharing Comfort Among Alzheimer's Caregivers

"Mary, I'm so glad we talked," Kay said.  "Now I know I'm not the only one experiencing these problems with Mom."

Even though my mom and aunt, both of whom had Alzheimer's, have passed away, I still find that sharing my experiences involving them helps to comfort others and enables others to understand the person they're caring for.  Kay has been caring for her 94 year-old mother, who now is in a nursing home, but seems to have developed Alzheimer's or some form of dementia.  Mom gets mixed up about who people are, suspects those around her of plotting against her, and in general becoming a different person from the one they've known all their lives.

Kay's talk with me seemed to reassure her that what she and her mom were experiencing was "normal" in the circumstances.

So many people don't want to talk about their experiences while caring for a loved one with Alzheimer's.  They want to put it all behind them once that person is gone.  However, if you can find the incentive to share, you just might be helping others.

Something to think about!

(In the above book, Finding the Joy in Alzheimer's, I share some of my experiences with Mother.  Other caregivers have much to share, too.)